


Vines, Cringe, and Crack; a Self-Aware Nightmare

by TheFaultyWriter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Don't Take Seriously, Gen, Vines, at least it isn't in first person lmao, its slowly increasing in length and thats scary, oneshots, written under 5 minutes and it shows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 13:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20967590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFaultyWriter/pseuds/TheFaultyWriter
Summary: Thoughts come into my mind. Sometimes they need an outlet. Please enjoy an amalgamation of out-dated vines with a whole-lotta cringe





	1. Crocs

“Professor,” Harry murmured softly with a soft tilt of his head. A soft breeze flowed through the stark white platform. “You said there was no death personified.” 

Albus Dumbledore nodded his head solemnly. His hands clasped behind his back as he looked down at his student with a forlorn expression.

“What’s that then?” Harry pointed with a trembling hand. He had never felt this type of fear before. It shook him in a way that little else did. 

“These are my crocs.”


	2. Bad Bitch

“This is the end,” Voldemort announces, striding across Hogwarts’ courtyard. His darkened, ashen cloak flowed behind him. 

Soft, sibilant whispers ripped through the crowd made of students and death eaters. 

“Harry Potter,” Voldemort continued, eyes widened. His voice eerily quiet yet filled with suspense, “is dead.” 

A moment of still silence followed. 

“No,” Hermione’s wail cut through the tense air. Her knees buckled, and the only thing that prevented her from collapsing to the ground were Ron’s arms surrounding her shoulders. 

A wicked smile bloomed on the face of Voldemort’s most prized follower. Bellatrix threw her head back and laughed. A horrid, screeching sound that more resembled a dying bird. “We’ve seen him! Face down and lifeless. The savior of the wizarding world! Nothing more than a boy with—.” 

A sound of breaking trees and a kicking motor interrupted Bellatrix’s speech. A faded blue town car broke through the treeline at the edge of the Forbidden Forrest. It came to skidding halt in front of the crowd. 

And there he was, Harry Potter. 

Alive and healthy. Sporting a grin inappropriate to the situation. 

“He’s alive!” A voice called out, whether in relief or shock – no one knew. 

“Tom Riddle,” Harry called out, with little regard to the situation. He steps out of the car, taking a confident stand against the Dark Lord. 

“Harry Potter,” Voldemort murmured, thumbing the wand at his side. “That is not possible. You were dead. I made sure of it.”

Harry chuckled, “I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me.”


	3. Starbucks thots

Avery ran through the halls, dragging behind him the reluctant forms of Malfoy and Black. It was all improper. Their parents would be furious to know how their sons were conducting themselves in school.

But, Avery had seen something. Something that he promised would change everything.

Frankly, Malfoy and Black couldn’t care less about the thoughts of Avery. The boy had quickly established himself as someone with little tact and lower intelligence than the average wizard. He was a classic example about how money and blood is not all it takes to be successful in Slytherin. In fact, if it weren’t for the expectations of generations of Slytherin Avery’s in the past, Malfoy was sure Avery would have been sorted into Gryffindor.

Nonetheless, that didn’t discredit Avery entirely. The boy’s word still held merit, however little that was, and when the boy arrived in the Slytherin common room out of breath and gasping, it intrigued Malfoy and Black enough to warrant them asking him about it.

A mistake— really, Malfoy thought. Avery had refused to say what had him in such a fit. Instead, the boy grabbed the other two and dragged them through the halls. All they managed to get out of him before the frantic chase was that it was something concerning Tom.

And the only reason that Malfoy and Black even entertained Avery’s run was because of that. Something concerning Tom that would change everything? Now that was something they couldn’t pass up.

Tom Riddle had been a thorn at their side ever since first year, and when the boy was revealed to be Salazar Slytherin’s descent in fifth, their hatred of the other boy depended. He was smart, well-liked, and devilishly handsome.

The general rule was that you were two of three at best. Black was handsome and well-liked. Malfoy was smart and handsome. Avery was… Avery.

Yet, Tom Riddle succeeded and quickly rose to the top. He was the perfect student. One that everyone looked up to. It came with a certain amount of arrogance, one that didn’t reveal itself unless inside the secretive walls of the Slytherin Common Room.

To everyone else, Riddle was a saint who could do no wrong.

A load of bull, if you asked Malfoy. But he had to admit it, Riddle knew his cards and when to play them. He was a calculative, manipulative asshole. His perfect façade was sacrificed for nothing.

So, Malfoy and Black allowed Avery to pull them through Hogwarts. All for a glimpse about what could shake up Riddle.

In the end, it did end up being something.

In an abandoned charms classroom on the third floor, Avery has quietly stumbled upon them. He had enough discretion to know to leave before they noticed he was there.

But there they were, Riddle and Harry Potter snogging in broad daylight atop of some desks that had been pushed together. Merlin, were they grinding?

Avery looked back at Malfoy and Black with disbelief in his eyes. “Is that allowed? _Is that allowed?_”


End file.
